Monday, September 19, 2016

Submission for change

Below you will find a submission to an opportunity I was hoping to possibly have...being a Yoga Ambassador and spend the entire summer on the road. Sharing my story, my practice and connecting with fellow yogis all across the US.

Obviously I didn't get chosen, they had hella people submit and only picked two. And neither choice was me... 

I remember the day I wrote this, it felt really hard to put my story on paper of what or why I wanted to be the person to be chosen. I remember reading and rereading, editing and tearing up....wondering would I really be able to send this in. 

Did it make sense, and was it really how I wanted to portray myself....and I said yes and did.

Looking at this was just the tip of the iceberg of what I really wanted to say..hence why this blog is now going.

So until tomorrow, enjoy the short read....

“Today I choose for it to be a good day”

Some days it’s harder to make that decision, some days it’s easier. Had we met 8 years ago and you said that idea would be vital to my day to day, I would’ve laughed at you. But that was me then, a newly wed  taking a yoga class with my new husband at a local junior college. I was 25, in love, uncertain about my future life as a wife and partner, but hopeful and ready to take the bull by the horns (so to speak).

Fast forward to me now, 33 year old, divorcee’, part Administrative Assistant, part Office Manager at my home yoga studio and Yoga Teacher.  Uncertain about my future and next step on my path, as a woman, as a teacher, as a student, and as an individual…

I’m not going to lie, it’s a scary, not to know what’s next.

I catch myself different times in the day think about the past and go why did I make the choices I did. There are nights where I lay awake and wonder, who will be I in a month, 6 months or even a year from now? If I let my mind run with the idea of the future, I scare myself. I panic. I get mad. I cry.

 It’s all part of the process of learning to let go, but I’m here to let you know.

It’s not easy…it requires just as much dedication and patience as it does to be able to find balance and breathe in Vrksasana (aka tree pose). I have been practicing this pose constantly for 3 years, and teaching it in yoga classes for 2 of those 3.

Same days I feel grounded and rooted in my feet. Everything feels good, I’m strong. I’m steady. I can breathe. I am even able to take my gaze up to the sky, raising my arms in victory, I finally got it. I did it! I’m awesome!

Other days, my foot is constantly slipping. I wibble, I wobble. I can’t breathe. My point of focus becomes smaller and smaller, before disappearing and I fall out. Not once, not twice, but everytime I try. I want to cry, yell, give up and move onto something else. Something easier, something that doesn’t make me feel like a failure.

I’m pretty sure, you have had moment(s) like this too. Moments where it seems better to not try anymore, to say I CAN’T/WON’T DO IT ANYMORE.  I GIVE UP!!!

But I’m here to tell you, you aren’t alone.

We each have our problems/issues/doubts on and off our mat/life.   Some days they are less noticeable. Other days they take up the 4 corners of your mat/mind.

Although I don’t know you or experienced what you have. I want to tell you something…

You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You are perfect just the way you are.
You will find your balance.
You will find your peace.


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